Last night I was really pissed off at God, so I didn't pray. In fact, I displayed my middle finger to the sky and cussed the hell outta him again. I don't regret it. There are going to be a lot of people who might be upset with me because of the way that I go off on him, but oh well. I have decided that prayer is pointless and weak. I'd love to feel as though I am loved by a higher being, but with all of the events that have occurred leading up to now, I realize that I'm not. I don't want to worship any fucker that gets pissed off and takes shit out on innocent beings that have done nothing to him. I look at it like this..........God favors Satan over everything else, because he never dies. He doesn't favor humans. That's ridiculous. He allows the so called devil to torment those roaming the earth, so he's just as bad, if not worse. If he's almighty, why is this world shit? He's a pussy, not something that deserves anymore of my time or love. I keep surviving shit that I do to myself, but I'm not exactly grateful for that fact. I always end up wishing that I was dead. Now, if life got better, and I had reason to want to stay, that would be a different story. People that are successful in life are allowed to kill themselves and get everyone upset, but not me for some fucked up reason. I have a hell of a lot more reason to want to die. I have nothing to show for all of the abuse I went through. If anything, I have been held down all of my life. If I died, there wouldn't be a whole hell of a lot of people that would grieve. Still, I have no choice but to keep pressing on in a world that is as fucked up as it's creator. If life gave me a reason to want to live, maybe I would change my attitude, but all I keep getting is heartache and disappointment. I can't seem to relate to anyone around me, so I am alone a lot. The only thing good about that is the fact that I like being alone. Sometimes I wish more people would give a shit and be supportive of me, but no one really truly understands where I'm coming from. I get some support online, but I know I have no one to lean on when I'm in despair. I guess that makes me strong, but not the way that I want to be strong. I get made fun of more often than I recieve compassion. Some fucking black bitch made fun of me while driving by yesterday. I would have loved to cut her up into a million pieces, but I just sat there with my anger. I am fed up with this shit. I know she's racist or she wouldn't have acted so vile. Picking on someone because they want to cry over something tragic like death of animals is disgusting and heartless. I'm usually not racist, but she deserves to be called the N word. She is ignorant and a bad example for African Americans. Luckily, I know there are good ones out there. It's just that bitch who I would love to destroy. Under most circumstances, I support the fight for equality that the blacks face. People like her don't deserve the equality though, because she's got a very inhumane attitude. I wish her a painful death, even if I can only do that. I'd kill her and do the world a favor if it were legal, but the laws in this country suck. Certain people deserve to be iradicated. They are like a form of negativity every time they breathe my air, no matter what color skin they have. I hope she never curses me with her presence on this earth again. I usually like black women too. That's the sad part. She and people like her are a disgrace. It is people like her that don't deserve to be called human. All of the shit that I went through growing up, like getting spat on, she should have to endure. I would spit on her, myself, but I'm not going to jail for that stupid cunt. All I have to say to her is "Drop dead ho."