Adult Realizing

I'm realizing that I can never be normal.  There's always going to be this negative force that is out to get me no matter what I do.  If it weren't the case, I would be rid of it by now.  I was talking about suicide big time when this first started in 1997.  I said if this continues, I will kill myself.  It has continued to a degree, and I'm still here.  Yes, I tried to die, but something is preventing me from doing so.  Why do I have to live with this?  I'll wake up as long as God forces me to, but boy..........I ain't been happy about it.  Just thought I would share.

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