I'm realizing that I can never be normal. There's always going to be this negative force that is out to get me no matter what I do. If it weren't the case, I would be rid of it by now. I was talking about suicide big time when this first started in 1997. I said if this continues, I will kill myself. It has continued to a degree, and I'm still here. Yes, I tried to die, but something is preventing me from doing so. Why do I have to live with this? I'll wake up as long as God forces me to, but boy..........I ain't been happy about it. Just thought I would share.