Working Through It

I may not be perfect when it comes to dealing with things, but I know in my own heart that I have come a long way.  I release the negative to focus on the positive.  I suspect that something is going on though.  Someone else at work is talking to...

Clarity Perhaps?

I feel clarity today.  I have figured out a great deal of where hallucinations came from within.  As a result, they have cleared up again.  People have stopped laughing at me too.  I feel at peace within myself now.  I have been carrying too many...

Why Did I Care?

I am 43 years old.  I am a female that is most comfortable dressed as a man.  My mother jumped all over my shit this morning after I picked up 2 men's flannel shirts.  I have about had it with her.  Here I am working and sometimes giving her half of...

I Take It Back

I went to go get the mail tonight and some fuck face I never did a damn thing to started mocking me.  I think they all want me to commit suicide.  I don't know why either, because I did nothing to them to make them hate me so much.  I'm so sick of...

Do I Even Want to Share at This Point?

I have been feeling like the laughing stock of this dang city.  I'm so sick of everyone talking smack about me.  Not only am I physically ill, but I went through a period in which it seemed as though everyone knew my personal business and mocked the...

Why Do People Like That Exist?

It really is a shame that the whole of this world can't work together to make it a better place.  There are a great deal of good people in this world.  Unfortunately, there are also a lot of bad people here.  I now realize how low people can go just...

WTF?

Ya know, I know that I struggle with my essays for school a lot of the time, but that is mainly due to my own personal issues.  If I am going to get help with essays, it is going to be through the school that I am attending.  Thanks anyway.  Please...

Why?

Okay, I saw a picture of Ed again, and in no way is that man bothering me.  Who the fuck are these assholes around here that go out of their way to get my attention?  It is like a game for these turds.  The strangest part is that they come into my job...

Reality Vs. Nightmare

Okay, so I have been paranoid about that one guy that has all of the clones for years.  Today, I realized once again, that him being in Florida to aggravate me is very unlikely.  Even if he did end up down here with his family, I would still have to...

Stuff On My Mind

I find it amazing that I would see so many men with features that remind me of someone that has harmed me behaving peculiarly around me.  I know that the original prick who started it all is not a shapeshifter unless he was always the devil in...

Ah yes, I am amused

Some guy just drove past me a little while ago when I was outside smoking a cigarette.  I think he called me a slut.  I have NOT had sex since 2004, before I left my second ex-fiance behind.  It is now almost 2017.  How long have my legs been closed...

Issues

How is it that I have had to live with feeling as though people were reading my mind or bugging the trailer?  I'm not dealing with it right now, but I remember exactly how it made me feel.  I felt so violated.  They say that people can't read minds,...

Updates

I started a new job this week.  It is supposed to be seasonal, but it is better than nothing.  I'm enjoying being around people again, so that's an excellent sign of progress.  I have one issue that has been going on since I was in my twenties though....

Feeling Better This Morning

I know I said that I wasn't going to pray anymore, but that was before the two cats that I thought something happened to returned to me.  Also, all of the people that went into the hospital in my family during the past two weeks are feeling better.  I...

How Do I Hang On?

With all of this pain inside, I have to figure out how to hang on.  I have figured out that there are two sides to me.  One side wants to succeed in life.  The other wants to just throw in the towel and say fuck everything.  I'm sick of this struggle....

Losing Faith Again

First, 2 weekends ago, my mother went into the hospital.  Then, the day she got out, my father went in the hospital and is now in a rehab fascility.  Then, the day before yesterday, my grandmother went into the hospital.  She's out, but said she felt...

Gotta Figure This Out

Why am I so scared of the future?  I have all of these things that I can do to try and make it better than what I fear, yet I still think of suicide as an option.  Why am I so insecure?  This illness has really taken it's toll on me.  It's bad enough...

Fascinating, At Least to Me

How would Gabby lovers in the trailer park know what I did?  It was a long time ago.  I also know damn well that I gave her ample opportunity to erase the problem because I felt bad.  The interesting part is that I almost went broke trying to help her...

Such Is Life

I would rather people in this trailer park not talk to me than to be lied to.  Something I did pissed a lot of people off apparently.  I can't complain much though.  I would rather not be bothered than to hear people's shit.  Maybe things will be...

Crazy As Hell

Ya know, I was kind of upset when my mother was in the hospital this past weekend.  I did enjoy my freedom though.  Even though I was worried about her health, I was happy to be alone.  Now I am reminded of why a part of me hated the fact that she was...

Dang

Well, so far this crazy hurricane is only going to hit us with tropical storm force.  The cats may survive after all.  If they don't, I really don't want to live anymore.  I just can't bare the idea of seeing a bunch of dead sweethearts.  I want to...

I Gotta Chill

So far, whoever God is, has in fact protected the kitties every time I prayed for them  I shouldn't be getting nasty or beligerent because of how worried I am about these babies.  It doesn't help that Mark keeps talking about people feeding these...

Why Does This Have to Be?

I prayed again last night hoping that God would save me from my negative thoughts about him, but the Hurricane cone is directly routed over us.  I guess I can officially lose my faith forever.  I didn't even go out to get real beer last night even...

Oddly Enough

I find it rather peculiar that people have been driving more like maniacs ever since I got back into my blog.  I don't know who these people are or anything, but I suspect they are people who don't believe in freedom of speech.  Ever since my first...

Why Was I Starting to Get My Faith Back?

I was believing that God was in fact protecting my kitty friends.  Now I am not so sure with this hurricane coming.  I was starting to believe that God did actually care, but now..........well, my faith is dwindling again.  I don't get to see my...