Now I Don't

Now I don't want to go back up to New Jersey.  I'm so disgusted with my dad's delayed reaction to my sometimes getting drunk and how he ignored my phone calls that I don't want to go up there even if he does say I can.  He fucking knew I was drinking....

His Loss In The End

My father has been ignoring my phone calls for the past two days.  If this is the way that he's going to be, I will use my vacation time to just get away from the normal every day bullshit rather than go see him.  If he doesn't love me, he should be...

Wow.

I got a long day ahead of me on Saturday.  1-10:30pm.  I am so not used to full time days, but I dealt with 8 1/2 hour shifts during Christmas time.  I need the money, so I may as well work it.  It gets me out of the house and keeps me awake.  Do I...

What a Beaut.

I saw some guy that really caught my eye.  He kinda reminds me of the lead singer of Seether without his beard, yet like someone else.  He's absolutely stunning, but I couldn't let on that I thought so.  He looked like he was concerned about seeing me...

Fun Day Maybe?

I plan to do some shopping before I go into work.  Just thought I would share that.

Another Day

Yep, it's another day.  I worked last night, but still didn't feel all that up to snuff.  I survived it.  I know part of the reason that I have been so depressed.  Some of these cats have been kinda sick and I can't afford to take them to the vet....

Yep, Another Day in Hell

I had to survive yesterday.  I was ready to go out and kill myself again last night.  Of course, some asshole up in the sky had to put the kibash on that.  Now I'm still alive and very pissed off about it.  I hope work changes my attitude about it....

Someone Named Spooky

Someone else must be feeding Spooky.  She's all scared of me like she reverted back to completely feral again.  There's nothing I can do about it.  I just hope she's happy wherever she is getting fed now.  I'm going to miss her cute little face...

Next Steps

Well, it looks as though I'm going to quit smoking tomorrow.  I was going to start today after I finished my last pack, but bought another one.  I also bought the patches and nicotine lozenges today, so it will be easy for me tomorrow.  Hopefully, I...

Wow Man!

I can't believe that I am still easily turned on by that guy. Oh well.  I guess I have to accept it instead of fighting the fact.  If I masturbate about him again, I know the flood gates are going to blow wide open.  God help me.  This shit makes me...

Uh Huh

So, here it goes.  I got tormented online because I looked at pictures and videos of a guy and decided he was "fuckable'.  Okay.  So what?  How many other women probably think the same thing, and about how many different men?  Who the fuck cares if I...

Dang

Well, two of the three cats that went missing came back.  No one has seen Nibbler though.  Oh, and now everyone is being nice in the park to me.  It wasn't Management that was being mean the other day.  In fact, they told me that someone was going...

Totally Figures..........

I stopped praying for three days and three cats are missing.  I heard a neighbor talking about trapping cats now.  Either way, it seems that people have no regard for my feelings.  Whether I pray or not, people don't seem to care how they hurt me....

Ha!

I am starting to feel better.  I'm coming up with a plan so that I am no longer singled out in this park.  If all these people want to do is make me feel bad, they better start getting on EVERYONE else's asses for the shit they're doing "wrong" in...

Nevermind

I thought prayer was working, but I guess I was wrong.  They got onto me for feeding the cats.  I saw a post on Facebook that seems to read true to life.  "Some people don't like to see you blessed."  It does seem awfully odd that they'd get onto me...

Thank You God

Thank you God for pulling me through last night and waking me up this morning.  I didn't want to wake up, but I'm glad that I did.  I feel a whole lot better this morning than I did last night.  I feel refocused.   Thank you God for keeping my...

Fucking Figures

I am reminded once again as to why all men are a fucking joke.  I don't care what anyone says at this point.  My experience proves it to me.  I'd rather fuck myself than fuck another man.  Thank God I didn't make the mistake of spreading for another...

Today Went Better

I ended up going into work early today.  I notice that no one bothered me until shortly before it was time for my break.  Some stupid couple came in and the guy said I was slow.  They were purposely trying to burn my ass.  It's not my fault that the...

Symptoms My Ass

I'm going to have to find out if there is a bug or something on our porch.  I feel so violated.  I bet no one cares though.  I know those people who were violating my psyche last night didn't care how it affected me.  I'm sick of it.  I'm fed up with...

Who Knows?

Well, we shall see what happens.  The assistant manager seems to understand my plight and let me go home since it was already written down that I was a call out.  She said that she was going to try and explain to the store manager why I had to call...

Discouraged

I went through a self-destruct period the past few days.  I think I could have potentially lost my job because of it, if I didn't change the way I was looking at things.  I felt like just giving up.  I sort of feel better today, but still wonder where...

Gotta Wait

It looks as though I ran out of hangers.  My mom said she had some, so I guess I'll finish hanging shit up tomorrow.  She's sleeping right now.

Yep

I tried to go to bed early tonight, but gave up.  I have some more clean clothes to hang up in the closet anyway.  That way I don't have to sleep on the couch.  The clothes are all over my bed.  I did half of them earlier today.  I need to get the...

Good Day Again

I really didn't deal with too many hallucinations today.  I heard voices saying one word maybe three times today.  I knew exactly what it was too, so it didn't bother me.  I went shopping with my mom this afternoon.  I bought a pair of Skechers that...