Now I See Why She Has Problems

I want to say her full real name so bad because I want to expose her for what she is.  Gabby is her nickname, so I'll use that.  She's the type of person to lie about the truth and try suing someone.  She tells everyone's secrets.  She makes things up...

Thoughts and Questions

I'm wondering how much of my past "reality" really was reality.  What if some of the stuff that I learned when I was under the influence of this illness was a lie?  I wasted how many years of my life living a lie that they claim my mind created during...

I'm Happy This Morning

I got an A on my late assignment.  I'm so happy.  I thought for sure that I was going to fail the course, but now I am up to a C+.  I freaked out for nothing.  Why do I do that?  I am way too hard on myself.

Thank God

Thank God I am catching up on my homework.  I don't know why, but I go through these periods in which I can't comprehend squat, get angry with myself, and literally abuse myself.  That has to stop.  I am not a bad person.  I may get angry and say...

Hope

Everything seems to be calming down except for the guys in the tree service truck.  I think they're mad at what I said yesterday when the one was shaming me yesterday.  I'm not going to let it bother me anymore because I know they'll get theirs in the...

Now I Have My Suspicions

I suspect that there is a reason why they lied about the tree service guy's name.  Now I know it's not Dwight.  It's Shawn or Sean.  If I recall correctly, when I used to get harassed online in chat rooms, there was someone named Sean.  Every time I...

Pains In My Ass

Why do people insist on arguing with me all of the time?  I get the feeling that I'm not supposed to feel or stand up for myself.  First, it was my stupid ex-boyfriend arguing with me about my anger when he's got anger all his own.  Today, my mother...

Bastards

Of course, just when I was going and picking myself back up and trying to think positive, someone fucks with my online school shit so that I have to hand in my assignment late from my brother's computer.  If I ever find out who it is that is doing...

Normalcy

I feel a sense of normalcy.  I'm learning a lot from posts on Facebook that people share.  I was never taught a great deal of positivity.  Yes, one minute my mom says I can do anything that I put my mind to now, but when I was going for my check, she...

Been a While

I was temporarily unable to access my blog, but now I'm back.  I feel pretty good, actually.  I found out that I would be good at office work, instead of fast food and retail.  This is a wonderful thing because, it pays better.  I'm sticking with...

Time For Change

I used to get upset when people laughed at me.  It's probably because I have this mental illness and they don't.  The new way to look at it is that they are ignorant for laughing at me in the first place.  I'm not the problem.  Clearly, if they are...

New Way of Looking At Things

I need to find a new way of looking at things.  I know that I am going to be stuck with my mother for the rest of her life because of her physical pain now.  I don't know how she expects to be able to be a cashier if she can't stand over a sink and...

Why?

Why do strange people that I don't know have to make comments to hurt me?  What the hell did I do to deserve this shit?  I got called a "lying bitch" by some guy I don't even know yesterday.  If people can't be nice, I wish they'd just leave me the...

Positive Thinking and Goals

Well, though I was hiding from my family because of my mother's paranoia that she'll be frowned upon for my way of being, I am starting to open up and get accepted.  This is a wonderful thing, I believe.     I got an appointment now to find out...

My Mom is a Bitch

I just wake up and she expects me to go with her to take care of her tire.  She gets bitchy because I didn't want to go.  If something happened to the car, not only would she be in a wreck, but so would I.  What good would that do?  I'm so sick of her...

Attempting to Build

I'm attempting to build my self-esteem.  Nevermind what some others think of me because they have never survived so much as I have.  Only one percent of the world population has this illness.  I'm determined not to allow it to define me anymore...

Determination

I am so determined to make it in this world now.  Fuck feeling sorry for myself.  Yeah, I have problems, but things are getting better than they have been.  I almost gave up on school, but then some more stupid men drove by laughing at me.  I'm sick...

Why the Sabotage?

Someone is messing with my school settings now.  I wish I knew who it was that was trying to sabotage me.  I wouldn't be surprised if it had to do with Ed judging by past evidence.  As if his beating on me wasn't enough when we were growing up?  I...

Such a Shame

My mother is going to end up regretting the way she treats me.  She's crazy if she thinks I'm going to hide who I am in front of family down here for the rest of my life.  My male cousin had a screensaver up on his computer of a topless warrior woman....

AHHHHHHHHH

I went to the psych doc this morning.  He represcribed Lithium.  I hope this keeps me calm like it did before.  I've been flipping out way too much.   Today was a good day so far.  Hopefully it stays that way.  I need a day without chaos.  My...

My Neighbor

It seems that the neighbor that I have been friendly with, yet at odds with is hallucinating big time.  She hardly eats, so that could be her problem.  Another problem might be the way she treated me all of those years that I was hallucinating.  As...

Kids

I'm getting tired of these kids and punks making comments about what I do online.  Maybe they are the ones attacking my computers and need to go to jail.  They're calling me crazy and shit.  I'll sue their fucking parents if I find out they've been...

Gotta Have Hope

I'm still heartbroken over the cat, but am planning my future.  I have to find a job.  I have to gather hope within me so that I don't just up and give up.  People are apparently going to test my mental capacity, so I have to show them that they can...

Now I Know

Now I know there is nothing that I can do to protect myself from hackers.  They get into my computers no matter where or how many I buy.  It's either a terrorist organization or the feds bullying me.  I don't know what I do that deserves this, but I...

Interesting Week

Well, first, the last edition to my kitty friends got hit by a car because these assholes in this place don't know how to slow down.  I had nightmares all night about it.  Well, at least he doesn't have to go through a cold winter or having his balls...