Gonna Find Out Next Week

I'm going to find out if I can go back to school.  I want this so bad, but if I lose my check, I'd have to work full-time.  I know other people can work full-time and go to school, but they don't take a ton of meds to keep them stable.  I want to...

Anxious

I kind of hope I get to keep my disability benefits.  The pros that work(ed) with me tend to think I should have no problem keeping them.  I have an appointment to talk to someone at Social Security today, so we'll see how that goes.  If I keep them,...

Eh, Shit Happens

I have to stop letting certain things bother me.  If I see what I think is a famous person riding around in a trailer park, yes, that is just too strange, especially as many as I have seen.  That's just too wierd.  It makes more sense that it's a...

Oh Lord

Ya know...........if people don't want me around them, they shouldn't go out of their way to come and see me.  They shouldn't have people following me around or spying on me either.  I'm probably dealing with shapeshifters again.  Whatever the case...

Ah Yeah

I feel good tonight.  I dyed my hair again and got rid of the roots.  The only problem is that I did it myself instead of letting my mother do it.  Some areas of my skin look like I colored my hair with permanent marker where I missed with the...

Random Ramblings of the Mind

Well, I'm on a mood stabilizer again now.  It feels a lot better than drinking.  I can't drink with this stuff anyway, so God is good.  I feel much more alert and happy. I got two six packs of Fila socks last night at work.  They were marked down...

Whatever I Feel Like Bitching About

I still feel violated.  I hope people can learn to respect my privacy and stop trying to break my spirit.  I don't know why I always seem to be the target of "space invasion", but I'm fed up.  Don't people realize that this invasion is a main factor...

The More I Fight............

The more I fight and bitch about people crawling up my ass, the more they do it.  Dad heard beeping over the phone today.  One of us is being wiretapped with a shitty wiretap.  Also, I keep seeing a little dos screen pop up when I'm online like...

Drinking

Okay, now I know I have to quit drinking.  My boss came out with "Stop drinking." when I called out today.  It wasn't the drinking that made me call out today, but everyone has been on my ass about it around the neighborhood.  If my boss is saying it...

Realizing

I'm realizing that I can never be normal.  There's always going to be this negative force that is out to get me no matter what I do.  If it weren't the case, I would be rid of it by now.  I was talking about suicide big time when this first started in...

I Feel Like I've Been Hexed Again

Stuff keeps going wrong for me the past two days.  It feels like someone is sending nasty vibes my way. On the Bright side, I reminded my ex-boyfriend of when he raped me.  He didn't deny it.  He asked me how he hurt me, because he couldn't seem to...

Snapping Out of It

I'm coming out of a depressed state in which I almost quit my job and failed myself.  I feel better now.  I have to figure out why I am so oversensitive to criticism lately.  I think I need a change in meds or just my attitude.  Mood stabilizers and...

Good Morning!!!!!!

I just thought I would stop by and say something nice.  Good morning.  I hope you have a great day.

Jerk

Though I keep trying to block the fact out, I realize that my father was spying on me over the internet.  Whoever was bugging the fuck out of me while I lived with him must be associated with him.  What hurts me so bad is that all of it upset me...

Changing and Happy About It

I feel as though I have been having more self-control.  Though I fell last week, I'm finally sick of doing it.  I asked my boss for more hours and she said that she'd been willing to do it before but I asked for less.  I was going to try and keep my...

Yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I finally bought some Creatine powder.  I guess I needed it, too, because I feel pretty damn good right now.  I recently downed a serving and am totally alert.  I don't know whether it is because I'm getting closer to coming out of a depressive state...

Gonna Come Out of It

I only thought of suicide for a short time yesterday after my boss got on my case.  She ended up with a fun attitude after her initial comments though.  I need to figure out what is making me ultra-sensitive to shit that shouldn't even affect me.  I...

Gotta Strive

There are too many depending on my survival to give up and die no matter what I'm feeling.  I realize that the ones who want me to feel bad are the ones who feel bad themselves.  When the lies of depression hit my head and I feel like no one cares, I...

Just Updating

I was depressed as hell for three days, but now I feel sort of functional.  I felt great this morning around 4 am.  I took two naps since then though.  I'm working to get myself out of the funk I was in.  I took off my witchcraft pendants too.  They...

Mortified

I'm completely mortified inside.  My father's computer seemed to somehow have my passwords on it even though I have changed them a few times in three years.  Then I caught the man jerking off.  Sick!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I didn't want to see that shit.  I...

Strange Things About Schizophrenia

Ever feel like you were being stalked by celebrities?  I did.  Go ahead and laugh.  Ever feel like songs were screaming out to you so much that they seemed to be written about you?  I did.  If you start to feel this way and can't comprehend any reason...

I Hate Stupid People

I was just reminded of why I didn't like living in the hood.  There were a few African Americans running their mouths at work near the end of the night.  The guy was even talking about jail.  The worst part is that I wasn't doing anything.  They were...

Body Rejecting Toxins

All of the sudden, today, my body is completely rejecting alcohol.  After I threw up half a "Straw-a-rita" and poured the rest down the drain, I tried to do a shot of rum.  That shit came up immediately too. My body is telling me that it's not worth...

Realizing Something

No human is perfect.  When I was a child I always used to say that, but my parents said it was a cop out.  Everyone makes mistakes sometimes.  Those strangers and neighbors that focus on mine are obviously terrified of themselves in reality.  Wherever...

Now I Have Had Enough

I am sick of being treated like a criminal when all I'm doing is trying to live my life.  If these people don't leave me the fuck alone, I'm going to start taking pictures with my phone, recording everything around me, and then have their asses thrown...