Sleepy Thoughts

Well, I made it through yesterday.  I got accused of stealing by a fellow employee, but the store manager and the loss prevention chick were on my side.  They knew I didn't steal anything.  Why the hell would I want to steal when I get a monthly check...

Choice Made

I had the perfect opportunity to kill myself last night.  I chose to get drunk instead.  Obviously, niether way is a good way to cope with life, but I'm still here.  If I didn't think of what could happen if my nieces and nephew would do if they found...

Reasoning

Last night I was really pissed off at God, so I didn't pray.  In fact, I displayed my middle finger to the sky and cussed the hell outta him again.  I don't regret it.  There are going to be a lot of people who might be upset with me because of the...

Done

I am so done with the conept of God.  If he is real, he's nothing but a bullying piece of shit who doesn't deserve to be worshipped.  I ain't kissing his ass anymore.  My prayers don't get answered like I thought they did.  I prayed for the cats and...

First Time

Tonight was the first time I have heard or watched any Linkin Park stuff.  I think I am really heartbroken about Chester.  I see the videos and its hard to believe he's dead.  It's such a shame.

Shit Happens

I may get fired tomorrow, but then again, I may just be too worried.  I started cussing my brains out when the garbage bag broke all over the floor near the end of my shift.  I really didn't want to be at work today anyway.  It was supposed to be my...

Guess I Should Be Grateful

Though when I was young, I wanted to be a singer, I'm kind of glad that never happened.  It seems too many people can't handle fame.  I used to want to get married and have kids like most girls did too, but guys that I dealt with were slimey as fuck...

Rock Star Suicide

I don't understand this concept.  I realize that lyrics tend to scream suffering, but everyone suffers.  The part that pisses me off is the fact that they have everything and it's not good enough for them.  I don't understand their situations, but...

Morons

There is one particular manager that seems to have a problem with me at work.  The other ones seem to like me.  I'm about sick of her getting on my case.  I don't know if it's a racist thing or not.  If she continues to fuck with me and single me out...

Facing Trauma and Emotional Stress

It seems that I feel a lot better today.  I had a blast today.  Apparently, all I needed was to vent and get away from the house.  I went out to eat this morning.  Then we went to a Flea Market.  There I bought incense, soda, and a necklace.  Oh and...

Obvious Notion

I can tell that a lot of people have been trying to bring me down.  The problems I had at work yesterday are ways I can prove that to myself.  I did the best I could yesterday, but still got reemed out and lectured.  If I'm not good enough, I can't...

Flashbacks

I remember when Gabby lived across the street.  I went through all sorts of crazy shit when she was around.  I know why, but it broke my heart to face it.  After she moved, they found a tape recorder and stuff.  This stuff was obviously being used to...

Today and Tomorrow

Today I guess was a good day, though I slept through most of it.  I have to figure out whether or not I want to go back to working full-time or not.  If I lose my check, I lose my meds most likely.  That could be a problem if I stay as sensitive as I...

Ridiculous People

I can tell that someone is sending people into my job to start shit with me.  I dealt with an old man saying I look funny yesterday and two bitches laughing at me and saying "Jay-Z doesn't want to hear anything from that girl."  Like I give a fuck...

Thinking

Last week when I talked to my father on the phone, he assumed that I drank all of the time.  Yes, I drink sometimes, but not all of the time.  Besides, with this one particular medication, I really can't do it anymore anyway.  People seem to insist...

Didn't Sleep

I didn't sleep last night.  I hope to get some sleep this morning at least.  I do feel better than I did yesterday.  I freaked out after my post last night.  My cup of soda fell on the floor and I freaked.  I was about to take my meds when it fell.  I...

Oh Well

I have to really clamp down on my spending.  I want to start paying shit down so my score doesn't suck so bad.  I'm glad that my mother is finally going to do something to try and get a job.  I'd have had a hell of a lot payed off if it weren't for...

Suspicious Behavior

My computer was hacked again.  Apparently, no one respects privacy anymore.  You would think I was on a terror watch list or something.  The only thing is, why would they want to be so obvious?  That's not how you catch a terrorist.  That's how you...

Surprise!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was researching online and I may be able to buy a place within a year.  Yeah, it's time to quit smoking and save up for a down payment and shit.  I can do this for something I want as badly as I want that.  I kept praying for something that would...

Made Up My Mind

I have decided to not allow my mother's nasty attitude destroy me.  I may miss the cats, but I'm starting to look for options towards moving out in the future.  I'm looking at government housing and apartments that rent to more than one person at a...

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOk Fine

I notice that some of my neighbors that used to talk and wave to me are not doing so anymore.  I can't worry about it, because some of them were the ones who attacked my mind.  Someone really wants me to feel rejected either upstairs or downstairs for...

Positively Interesting

I was unfriended on Facebook recently by someone I knew since I was a child.  I unfriended her a few times when I was struggling and supposedly paranoid.  I'm not mad, but it seems kinda strange that she'd pick now to unfriend me.  I can't complain...

Coming Back

I'm starting to come back to feeling stable.  I hope everyone had a good day today.  I'm sitting back and listening to YOUTUBE right now.  I'm listening to Disturbed right now.  I started out listening to Seether and then Evanescense.  Sooner or later...

This Country is a Lie

All of this time that I have supposedly been a schizophrenic prove to be questionable.  My computer protection software showed that it blocked over 60,000 attacks to my computer in just one month, yet someone is still getting in.  All of this time...

Turds

I am fed up with turds trying to make me paranoid.  Come on.  The landscaping guys?  Really?  They don't even know me.  One of them was running his mouth talking shit, pointing to me and saying our place was next to get hit.  I know that the park...